I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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