I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
