Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
