: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
