3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
