I hate all girls vehemently.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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