wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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