Duck Duck Cougar?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
