dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
