Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
