i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
