help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
