Four minutes until I can fart!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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