Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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