he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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