I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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