no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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