Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
