My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
