erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
