finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
