don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
