I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
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