I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
