i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
