Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
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