1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
