The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
