My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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