All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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