when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
my poor anus
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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