Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
