You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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