Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
