Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
