I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
