I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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