Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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