You just made me feel so damn special
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
