It was confusing and full of hummus
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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