We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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