we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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