this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
