it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
