The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
All the doctor said was why
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
