I'm going to jail i love you
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stop calling my apartment porn island.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
