Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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