Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
