I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was born a porn star she said
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Holy sore nipples Batman
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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