yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
